Dark Data

When first trying to understand what “my data is being collected” meant, I was okay with the convenience of being shown things I “supposedly” would like. With ads spewing out of pavement and misleading information fluttering through concrete walls, it doesn’t seem so bad that I might come across the perfect steamer I’ve been searching for. Nor does seeing an article that would subtly solidify my views on certain topics. After all it proves that I am right, with evidence, right? It validated my thoughts, and who doesn’t like that? Why would I question it, if I was looking for justification all along?

After a while the fear kicked in. I began to feel uneasy, a feeling of being watched and scrutinized rose. It took away the security of being alone, and the freedom of acting without being observed. The possibility of everything I’m consuming being geared towards me and what I “want” to see, I was afraid I would eventually be completely disconnected from reality. I deleted many accounts. I began using a VPN and Ad blockers. I even tried to cover my phone camera, but then got tired of uncovering and recovering it numerous times per day.

After that I became confused, or more accurately, fixated, on the question of whether having my data means whoever collects it knows who I am? Does my online behavior define me as a person? If not, what is it representing? Is it part of me? To me, it feels like someone has gathered parts of me, decided who I am based on those parts, and went on to tell everyone about it. It feels very uncourteous, and rude. On the other hand, I do want to know what people are saying about this other version of myself.

This piece is inspired and driven by my curiosity about my “online persona”. I retrieved a list of advertisers who had obtained my information and added me to their contact lists through Facebook. The list of companies doesn’t show or explain directly why they are interested in “me”, nor does it show anything directly related to me. However, the companies also represent the customers they are seeking, the specifics traits and characteristics they want to target. My online behaviours, and the bits and pieces of my digital trail are what desirable to them. In a way they are the depiction of the digital me they expected. The list of companies becomes a representation of how they analyze and portray me. The canvas was made with that list printed and shredded. You can still see parts of the companies’ names scattered all over, it’s not hard to guess who they are, at least the well-known ones. It’s an intertwined, messy, and somewhat predictable construct of the digital me. Sitting on top is an unfinished portrait, we have the same hair, I don’t know if she has my eyes. □

Fifi Xie is a first year MFA candidate at Parsons School of Design studying Design and Technology.